A while ago I received a general
circulation email from someone that I would describe as a light worker. She
talked about the importance of honouring the inner child. I usually read emails
from other healers/teachers with keen interest because of the helpful views
that I often find. However, this time I dismissed the email thinking that I had
been there, done that. At a stage when I was excited about upcoming projects
but also uncertain and afraid, I felt that I could do with something that would
give me courage to make it work and/or practical advice. The last thing I
wanted to look at was my emotional well-being, since I believed that I had done
enough of it and it was now time for action. Of course, the spirits knew
better. I was given what I needed before I knew that I needed it.
As I was preparing to rest before
action, some old wounds resurfaced and I found myself in the midst of emotional
upheaval. Usually when this happens, I feel worse because I have not mastered
the lesson from the last time I dealt with the issue. Few things can be as
frustrating as going over the same emotional ground when it feels so
unnecessary. My self-talk easily becomes negative and I feel out of control as
far as avoiding the same experience in future goes. Burdened with my troubles
and afraid that I might feel too vulnerable to put my plans into action, I
sought solace under a Sycamore tree.
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| Tree Medicine: One of the Oldest Forms of Therapy |
A queenly figure, she folded me in
her arms. Soon, the noise and busy-ness of the world faded out and I was
wrapped in comfort. The gateway to the place within where I access information
of the soul opened up and the tree showed me what I needed to heal. I saw
people bearing crosses, the kind that one would associate with the Biblical
notion of a broken world. I was then taken to an image of a place and events in
my childhood. From the perspective in my journey it looked to me like my child
self was completely in her own world, unaware of the pain of the grown-ups
around her. The message I received was that there is indeed a lot of healing to
be done. Patterns of behaviour that bring about pain are passed on from
generation to generation and the person who changes it needs only heal the
self. In my journey, I could see that the grown-ups around me were sad and
fragmented despite their appearance of being in control. To free the child from
these patterns, I had to give love and happiness to her no matter what the
actions of others. The vision reminded me that people I felt had hurt me in the
past had always done their best. To break cycles of pain and anger because of
what loved ones could not give me, I had to be kind to myself. In that way I
would be more compassionate to others and less critical of their best efforts.
The challenge has been set. Being
kind to myself is harder than I expected. A friend I recently met gave me two
helpful views. He said: “When you’re ready is none of your business” and “The
road to recovery is best taken one day at a time”. While his situation is
different from mine, I could definitely use these principles. Since I would
like to move away from the need to control everything, I realise that I need to
slow down the haste with which I want to make everything work. Moving out of
overdrive forces me to deal with the fear that I will not bring myself so far
as to do anything worthwhile unless I am hard on myself. I need to remember to
bring love to what I do in each day and accept my feelings. If I am too
insistent on setting goals and seeing results, I would only perpetuate the
performance driven mind-set that I have set out to abandon. The resulting
anxiety is best taken with a good measure of kindness and trust.
**With thanks to the Sycamore
tree and the people who told me what I needed to hear.
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