Something interesting happens when we set out in search of
truth. At first we discover that we think differently to the rest of the world.
When we are in conflict with the world, it’s quite hard to figure out who is
right and who is wrong. I don’t mean this in the judgemental sense of the word,
but rather who is closer to the truth. I find that when my views are very
different from the rest of the world and I feel conflicted about it, I
oscillate between thinking that I am for sure right on one hand or on the other
that I am completely clueless and the world has to be right.
If I look closely at my need to be right, it looks like I
have to justify the path I have chosen by proving that my way is better. Thinking
of it that way, it seems to me that I don’t have faith in my chosen path. It’s
when I take another step back that I realise it’s perfectly OK to be uncertain,
to feel down at times or to get stuck occasionally. The further I go, the more
I realise that I’m not here to master anything but rather to be myself and live
my life. Moving to wholeness is about accepting the light and the darkness
within me, not about denying an aspect of myself that would re-surface
somewhere else. It’s in the imperfect moments that the door opens for love to
flow in and shed some light.
The magic most often happens when I’m at a dead end. I
embarked on the path that I’m on in an effort to seek healing for myself and
others. Yet in some way it feels that I didn’t have much of a choice – the pull
from my subconscious mind to live authentically was too strong. I started out
thinking that I would, as so many others who have gone before me, get to a
place where I am better, more whole, more in control. The truth is that as I
move along, I am faced with more uncertainty. The closer I come to the “truth”,
the more often I am confronted with the void of meaninglessness and existential
despair. Far from being more sorted out than when I started, I have come to
accept the fact that I will never “get there”. Because of that, I have a
greater appreciation of the small things in life. Accepting my human struggles brings
me closer to the in between space where happiness comes from, the space of
nothingness where the Universe truly communicates with me.
Acknowledging that one doesn’t know is the place where
miracles are born. It is the point at which one is ready to experience
something new. It is in the moments we don’t understand that our eyes really
open up to the wonder of the universe, enabling us to experience life as a blessing.
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